Based on Darlene Mininni's The Emotional Toolkit and Beth Jacob's Writing for Balance
Darlene Mininni, PhD, MPH, author of The Emotional Toolkit, explains that many people find emotions to be scary or unsettling. In reality, emotions are valuable and offer a bounty of benefits. In order to make them work for you, you have to know how to process and cope with them. You can do this by following two simple steps: decoding the emotion (ie. figuring out which emotion you’re experiencing) and identifying the emotions’ message(s).
Know your emotions. There are a many different ways you can feel, but scientists have classified human emotions into a few basics that everyone can recognize: joy, acceptance, fear, surprise, sadness, disgust, anger, and anticipation
Jealousy, for example, is a manifestation of fear - fear that you're not "as good" as something else, fear of being abandoned because you're not "perfect" or "the best."
Know what kinds of situations cause which emotions, and be able to tell the difference between anger and fear; sometimes multiple emotions can bubble up at the same time, and the person going through the emotions might not be able to distinguish the two.
Sadness: What have I lost?
Anger: How have I or my values been attacked?
Happiness: What have I gained?
It's also good to recognize an emotion from the moment it materializes, as opposed to letting it build up and intensify. The last thing you want to do is ignore or repress your feelings, because you probably have experienced that when you do that, they tend to get worse and erupt later.
Ask yourself throughout the day: "How am I feeling right now?" If you can, keep a journal. Write down situations that caused an interesting emotion in you. That way, you can help pinpoint the moment it appeared instead of letting its origin slip away.
Take ownership of your emotions. Don't blame them on other people. Recognize when you try to blame other people for your emotions, and don't let your mind get away with that trick. Taking full responsibility for your emotions will help you better control them.
Notice what was going through your mind when the emotion appeared. Stop and analyze what you were thinking about, until you find what thought was causing that emotion. Challenge the thoughts/emotions. Is it a helpful feeling? What message is it trying to tell you?
Your boss may not have made eye contact with you at lunch, for example; and without even being aware of it, the thought may have been in the back of your mind, "He's getting ready to fire me!"